It Was One of Those Days

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There are some days when I’d just like to be by myself and left alone. This is one of those days.

I know that I have made a promise to myself to make the most of the days or years left to me on this earth, along with a vow to try to do something good everyday. I want this last episode of my life to count for something and to make a dent – even if it’s a tiny one – in someone’s else’s life besides my own. I know we all tend to look back very critically at where we’ve been and what we’ve done – or failed to do – and I am guilty as charged. I want this time in my life to be meaningful and special. I am tired of making mistakes and missing the mark. I don’t want to do this anymore!

But today, I simply want to be by myself. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to read or send a text, I don’t want to post a status on Facebook (and for those of you who are seeing the irony in this statement, I am writing this on one day, and posting it on another), and I don’t want to meet my neighbor as I go in and out of my home and be forced to engage in conversation with her and smell her stale cigarette smoke.

Is there anything wrong with this? Am I being selfish and self-centered? Is it all about me – again? I feel like I should be out there, being friendly, smiling, and otherwise greeting the people I meet along my way in a cheerful and upbeat way. But that is not how I feel today. I like the silence of my home, the quiet solitude of a walk with Sunshine in an empty park, and the dark screen on my iPhone.

I have no television to invade my ears with noise. My radio sits silent; my CD player, as well. I can hear the sound of traffic as cars and trucks travel up and down my street, but I have no desire to look out my front window to see who they might be. My ceiling fan is click-click-clicking as the paddles rotate above me. My refrigerator hums from time to time as it keeps my food cold, and my computer keys tap-tap with my fingers as I write this. Other than these sounds, all is quiet here. I like it.

So, how am I going to make a difference in someone’s life today, or do something good? It doesn’t look like I’ll fulfill my vow today. I need this day to make a difference in my life (yes, it really is all about me, I guess!), and to have this quiet time to refuel, reflect, renew, and replenish. I need to experience a bit of boredom, so that the creativity in my life has a chance to refresh herself and wade out of the muck of my brain and into the open air. I need to get off the social media merry-go-round for a little while, and think about other things than what my “friends” are saying and doing. I need some time to connect with my spiritual nature and listen to what God has to offer me. It is a day for me to look at my path, take a deep breath or two, rub a pebble between my thumb and fingers, and just BE. There are no decisions waiting to be made, no deadlines looming, and no pressure to be somewhere at a particular time.

It may appear to some that I am being a hermit today, and perhaps a bit snobby and unfriendly. Please be patient with me. Allow me this day alone.

I’ll be back tomorrow.

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3 thoughts on “It Was One of Those Days

  1. Scottie

    I get that way sometimes, too, Jennie. I think we all need that quiet me time every once in a while to reflect, relax, and recharge. I think if we have that time then we may be better prepared and have more energy and enthusiasm for doing whatever it is that comes next. I prefer to think of these quiet times as a chance to spend more quality time with my two precious fur babies! After all, if I’m out constantly trying to make my life count, I’m not giving them the attention they deserve for all of the unconditional love they shower on me every single day. Both of them have had quite a few health issues in the past year or so, any of which is capable of shortening their lives. They are approaching 11 and 9 already and I want to make the most of whatever time we all have together. If that makes me selfish, then so be it. I like to think it makes all three of us feel good to spend the day just enjoying it together.

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