The presidential race is over, thank your lucky stars!
For the past two days, I’ve heard and read more about this than I’d care to in a lifetime. The words coming out of mouths and printed on news and social media sites were enough for me to throw up my hands and shout, “Dag nab it! That’s all I can take!” I have sworn not to look at Facebook or any of the news websites again until all the dust settles. Since I don’t have a television connected to cable, satellite, or antenna, I don’t have the concern of the news delivered to my living room with the touch of a remote control device. For small things, I am thankful this morning!
The language and hate in voices and in print that normally are not venomous is simply overwhelming to me. The world hasn’t come to an end – at least, not yet – and the sun rose in Monroe this morning just like it did day before yesterday and yesterday and everyday.
As it happens in people’s lives the minute something happens that is out of the ordinary, profanity has a way of breaking out, even in the most mild mannered of people. I, for one, upon waking up yesterday morning and seeing the news online that Donald Trump had won the election (I was absolutely certain that Hillary would win), I let out a “What the f—k???!!!” I was alone in my house, so nobody heard my profanity except Sunshine, my dog. And it was probably the first time in years that I had verbally mouthed that word.
For the past month or so, I have been “collecting” southern phrases that people use when they want to put emphasis on what they are saying, without actually cursing. I think this is as good a time as any to share some of these with my readers, since most everyone today is probably thinking some things in foul language terms, even if not uttering them out loud.
Here are a few I have personally heard, said, and noted within the past month or so.
Thank your lucky stars. See my opening sentence of this blog for an example of replacing uttering God’s name in vain with those pretty little lights that twinkle in the night sky.
Jiminy Christmas. “ Jiminy Christmas! That baby doesn’t look like a preemie to me!” Or, “Jiminy Christmas, that’s news to me!”
Blame. “Blame, I had no idea so many people would be in line waiting to vote. I had to stand in line near to an hour.”
Dad blame it. “Dad blame it, that cow got out of the fence again.”
Dag nab it. “Dag nab it! I missed winning the lottery by two numbers.”
Holy Cow. “Holy cow! That’s a weird looking dog!”
Dad gum. “That’s no dad gum dog. That’s a coyote!”
Gadzooks. “Gadzooks! That wind’ll knock you down if you’re not holding onto something.”
Good grief. We all know this one, “Good grief, Charlie Brown.”
Bloomin’. “ I didn’t know a bloomin’ thing about that.”
Fiddle: Used in any sentence as a replacement for the F word. Usually used alone as an expletive. “Fiddle! That smarts!”
Freakin’. Also used as a substitute for you know what.
Friggin’. Another variation.
There are lots more. Google “Southern slang to replace profanity,” and you’ll see an abundance of them. We southerners are very good at cursing without cursing.
Enjoy! And have a nice day to add to your own collection of days.
Personally, I’m off to wash my mouth out with soap for saying what I said yesterday!